I have developed a fear of the rain. I used to love it. I used to run, sing, and dance in it. I used to be excited for the thunder before and the rainbow after. But now, it terrifies me completely, I hear the thunder and begin to shake and tremble in fear.
For the past month and a half I’ve been consistently living in a tent. So there are two thin “waterproof” sheets between me and the very limited things that I could bring in my one hiking backpack. These two sheets have not been able to keep the water from flooding into my secret space. I’ve consistently woken up at midnight to the bottom and sides of my tent completely soaked. At that point sleep seemed impossible so I would proceed to exit my tent and find a dry quiet place to pray. For a while I would constantly find myself praying that God would stop the rain so that I can go back to bed. At some point I would go back to my tent, grab all my stuff and hang it up, praying that it would dry by night time. This routine of mine happened while I was at training camp and continued to happen when staying up in the Guatemalan mountains where God has placed me to do ministry for the past five weeks.
The rain started to give me “troubles” the night I committed to doing a baptism of full surrender. I felt called to do this during training camp because of a past abusive relationship that I had been in and allowed to write the future of my story rather than surrendering the pain of the past to step into the redemption and freedom that my Good Father has for me. That night the Lord called me out and the Spirit walked me towards a tub of water to speak the truth and surrender all my brokenness, a powerful prayer of God’s redemption swept over my mind and in that moment, a white sheet covered all the memories of abuse that coated my heart with walls of bitterness that barely anyone could penetrate began to go away. Those memories began to disappear completely behind the white sheets as I was being submerged under the cleansing water and as a friend cried out, “freedom looks good on you!” I remember walking back to my tent soaked in the rain, completely awestruck and amazed because I truly felt lighter, and free. Psalms 118:5 says, “Out of my deep anguish and pain I prayed, and God, you helped me as a father. You came to my rescue and broke open the way into a beautiful and broad place, You set me free!” I was just washed clean and now I’m receiving even more of God’s blessings and love through the kind drops of rain coming down. I fell asleep with so much peace and woke up in a wet tent in the morning. The next week of camp it frequently rained and with this a fear began to develop towards the rain which became a daily thought full of anxiety for the wet nights to come, especially with my secret space (tent) being flooded more and more. The fear of the rain became more apparent and consuming as I was being told that my team and I were going to be tenting on a mountain in Guatemala.
Mid-September and October is the heavy rainy season in Guatemala and this year at this time the rain has hit a new level of heaviness. So here I am in the middle of a mountain in a storm of fear where my ability to sleep is being attacked every single time it rains, which is every night. Yet, in the midst of this spiritual warfare God uses everything for His glory as He gently and intimately used the rain to show me all the areas I still need to trust Him with my life; with all my material things for the race, with my sleep, with my physically strength, and with the direction of what ministry looks like on this mountain.
Job 5:8-11 says, “As for me, I would seek God and inquire of Him, and I would commit my cause to God; who does great and unsearchable things, marvelous things without number. He gives rain upon the earth and sends waters upon the fields, so that He sets on high those who are lowly, and He lifts to safety those who mourn.” So, instead of asking God to give me sleep, I started asking Him what He wanted from me at 2am or 3am in the morning. I would start praying and reading Ephesians and praying the Psalms of protections over me, my team, and our mountain life. The Lord would give me a peaceful rest, and multiply my sleep and strength even in the actual lack of sleep. The Lord has shown me what it’s like to live in community with my team, trusting them in the middle of my storm and fear. He has been redeeming all of our stories while on the mountain.
Rain in the bible is mentioned over a hundred times and it can symbolize so many things, a few of which is God’s restoration and redemption. However, to fully receive God’s restoration and redemption you have to be willing to allow God to come into your life and destroy some things. You see this is Noah’s story when He sends the flood to destroy all the weakness in the world. In Job’s story rain is a sign of provision in the mist of morning and sorrow. Since my baptism God has been redeeming my rain, my storm, and my fear! Redemption’s song sings LOUD over all the areas of my life because every part of me is experiencing God in such a deep and meaningful way it’s literally insane. I am more reliant on Him and the love story He has written all of my life; completely relying fully on Him. And truly receiving the restoration, the revival, and the redemption from all the ashes and pain of my life as His redemption rain continues to fall on me.
This was the first week on the mountain that I walked with so much peace in the midst of the rainy nights. I’ve learned and embraced that sometimes you just have to dance in the rain, and the storm to receive His redemption. It’s through the rain coating the skies, falling just for you to experience Him in a new and beautiful way.
Psalms 84:4-7 says, “Blessed and greatly favored are those who dwell in Your house and Your presence; They will be singing Your praises all the day long. Blessed and greatly favored is the man whose strength is in You, In whose heart are the highways to (Mount) Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; The early rain covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; Each of them appears before God in Mount Zion.” So it’s back to the mountain for one more week with my amazing team! I ask that you please pray for us to receive everything that God has for us and wring it all out for His glory, and for prayer for the constant Spiritual warfare on my physical well being and sleep. Thank you all so much for your support, love, and constant prayer!
See pictures on my website: https://www.rael-mission.com/
